Infinite patience produces immediate results...

This is from the book "A Course in Miracles", and I literally was flipping through an article when this quote jumped out at me.

Why is that important? Because I have been grappling with a new dilemna... In doing investigating for my injury I discovered that, really, I don't have to wait for the Doctor to take my cast off... I can do it myself. The only thing would be that I'd have two pins sticking out of my thumb that I would have to protect. Those could really only be removed by a resident at a clinic or hospital.

Oh, when I found out this information, I was elated and excited, expecting to rip off the cast myself and resume "normal" training, with the one final big weekend I had left. I could even throw a dishwashing glove on and hit the pool!

There is a risk, however. One, I don't know how much the bone has healed yet. It should be good to go, but who knows. I feel it's good to go. The second, and more concerning, is the pins. They lead right to the bone... If dirt, or anything, gets into the holes that the pins are coming out of, it could lead to the bone and cause an infection. Bone infections do not heal...

Could, could could. Might, might might... Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't...

After all, what is a few days going to matter in healing, when a few days of good training could get me closer to a great race, a great finishing time, and accolades and glory and..............

"Hang on a second," I just thought to myself... "Three weeks ago there was a doubt whether you'd even be able to compete at all... You were heading in for surgery and it could be as much as 5-6 weeks before the hand could be set free from it's prison. You might not do the race at all. You've figured out creative ways to keep training, get your rides and runs in, and work on as much of your swimming dryland as you can muster."

In a heartbeat, I'd gone from just wanting to make it to the starting line, to wanting to shave 30 minutes off my bike split by riding this final 200km tomorrow "cast free"...

My how things can change.

I started thinking "is this THE last Ironman you'll ever do?" "Would you trade in a potential bone-infection for a potentially faster bike split?" "Why are you doing this race in the first place?"

And then I realized that I was chasing after something, something that might be good short term. I've done this before, I get excited and chase after something (or someone :)) with almost that sense of "this is the last chance I'll ever get to do this..." Almost like a desperate animal looking for a last meal. And treating the object of my chase as THE purpose to everything, the source of my soon-to-be joy.

I believe it is important to be proactive, and to put yourself in position to find that which you are looking for or, better still, to realize what you want when you see it. To be open to possibility is not to sit passively, but to put yourself outside and make yourself available for that possibility. It's different, though, from chasing an illusion of water in a desert.

And this hunger, before, has allowed me to leap before I looked. It has led to relationship mis-cues, professional blunders. And I realize that. I learned long ago not to view past hurts, mistakes and disappointments as who I am, rather as a play and a storyline that had led me to where I was at that moment. And, as a result, I feel like I am in more control, that I am the writer, director and casting agent of my life moving forward, instead of just an actor being directed and written into and out of situations beyond my control...

And now, I sit down and I look at the cast on my arm. It's a challenge. It does not make things easy for training or simply functioning, but I've learned to work with it so far. And would I risk all that for 3-4 more days of training and the possibility of damaging myself even more unnecessarily and more permanently?

Simply put... nope...

Patience, patience.....

Soon enough, the cast will be off.
Soon enough, the Ironman will arrive.
Soon enough, I'll get a chance to put my best day forward and execute the plan I have set up. Soon enough, the Ironman will be over, and what I'm left with, healing hand and all, will be what I am...
And life will continue as it is intended to...

There is a larger agenda than my own ego's.